My family has been cleaning out a lot of junk that has piled up over the years, throughout our bookshelves, cabinets, closets, etc. My dad stumbled upon a short “book” I had written. Guessing by the handwriting, I’d say I wrote it when I was in second grade or so. I probably got the inspiration from my parents, because my dad always asked for massages. Here it is, unedited:
Welcome to the first book on: how to make a lady massage me.
Chapter 1
First step. Beg. Beg, cry, ask, and the ever popular, pout. We all know how it feels when a lady refuses to massage us. How would they feel if we told them “No!” Exactly! They would get mad! So, this is how you will get a lady to massage you.
Chapter 2
The first way to get a lady to massage you is to pay them. You pay them any price you want. Since women need and love money, they’ll have to accept the offer. They’ll massage you by squeezing and by rolling you. How do I know? I’ve tried it! I’ve tried every trick!
Chapter 3: (silent treatment means not talking)
The second way is to give them the silent treatment when she is asking you something. When she gets mad, tell her that you just want a massage and you will help her with her problems. You get the massage, she gets the help. (silent treatment is sold separately)
Chapter 4
The third way is to give them a present. Saying in return: “All I want is a massage.” She will massage you with love.
Chapter 5
The last way to make a lady massage you is to just ask politely. Explain all the work you have done and I’m sure she’ll understand.
Record
# of massages Who massaged you
The end.
As my sister pointed out, my book was most likely a failure because I didn’t record any massages or anybody massaging me 
Wow, manwhoring it already in the 2nd grade
Comment by Lele — July 5, 2007 @ 7:23 pm